BOOMBOOMBOOM. Kay, aku gilerzx. -.- Gambar lamer sakzx. I miss my fcuking past.

In school right now, pretty bored. It's D &T now, nd it's also freezing cold. I think my hands are numb already -.- How annoying. Nd t think that we're supposed t be doing research for D &T. Here are me, Farah nd Fareen, going through Friendster, blogging, nd blahblahblah. Okay, idk what else lahzx. Atleast they've done lots of parts of their D &T project. UNLIKE ME. -.- I just totally realised how useless I am. I can't even catch up on what they're doing for D &T. Like, damn it. I ain't confident at all for my D &T. But I swear I'll try my best t catch up. Arini Hunney's absent. Gosh, I miss her! Hah.

Okay, it really is freezing. I feel like I'm in Antarctica. Great, I can become a polar bear now. Hah. -.- There's a math test later on, nd it's on "Probability". Like, damn it. I really wanted t study for it yesterday, but when I was looking for my textbook, I realised that I hadn't brought it home cause my bag was too small nd I was lazy t carry it in my arms. -.- Idk what th hell I was thinking. Nd I practically had t rely on just ONE stupid worksheet that I have in my bag. That's th disadvantage of having a nice, but small bag. Gosh. I'd better bring back all my books later on, else I ain't goina be able t complete all th homework I have, which is ALOT. Okay, I know I'm boring you guys out talking bout homework all th time. But I ain't forcing you t read, so shoo if you find it a torture. (:

Met Dino on th 24th. He's super cute! AHAH. Ohwell. Hmm, met Hariz on th 25th. He's okay I guess, though not my type. Met Fadhly Sayang yesterday, he fetched me from school. He practically came all th way down from Pasir Ris just t meet me. Nd he waited for like, one hour under th bloch nearby just caused he arrived early. How sweet kan? :D Guys, guys. How sweet some of them can be, yet I find it so hard t trust them. I feel like I'm giving up on relationships. Even when I'm attached, I feel so void of feelings. I may like them, but love's a totally different thing. Nd I totally get turned off when guys force me t do what I don't want. You know who you are, I don't have t say it, cause I don't wanna embarrass you here. I've had a tough time with guys, ups nd downs all th time. Even though I'm always having tons of guy friends, I still don't understand them. I maybe in express, but my skills don't require me t understand guys nd what's going on inside they're head. So I sort of gave up trying t understand them. Cause whenever a girl tries t understand a guy, they totally drift away from you, like a piece of log floating on water, maybe only faster. They seem so afraid t let someone know them, feel them, understand them. Nd that has rubbed off onto me? Th fear of letting someone get close t me, only t watch them run away when I'm trying so hard. I realise my past mistakes, that I ain't "Little Miss Innocent". But I wanna change my ways. Though I can't change my past, I can improve my future, nd I'm goina do just that. So there's no use forcing yourself on me, cause I'm just goina keep pushing you away. I don't care how much you want me, I expect you t respect my rights as a human being. Stop behaving like an animal. You were better when I first knew you. Nd I thought you were innocent. Maybe meeting you was a mistake, or maybe God wanted t test if I stuck by my promise t myself. I did.

I still miss Muhammad Durrani bin Mazlan. At times. I miss how when my parents were arguing nd I couldn't sleep, I texted him whether he was awake, nd he replied within five minutes. I told him I couldn't sleep, cause my parents were arguing. I asked him, would we end up like that? Nd he said, Don't worry, I'll always love nd care for you. We'll never turn out like your parents, nd I'll never let you go. Like, wow. Just a few words from him left me smiling like a total idiot for th rest of th day. Nd I just wonder, when I'll be able t totally get over you. I miss going over t your place after school, I miss hanging around wit your family. Your place was a second home t me. Nd I miss Yaya. Remember you promised, that you'd let me see her whenever I wanted, that day you broke up with me? I remember, nd I also remember that you broke your promise t me. Why are promises meant t be broken? Why make promises when you know you can't keep them? Why even create th word 'promise'? God, how I miss you nd how we used t be. I'm sorry, for my attitude. I still am, nd always will be. I'll never let go of our memories. Somewhere deep down, I'm still wishing that you'd come back. 2nd February-15th February, I miss you.

I miss Muhammad Hazwan bin Muhd Aziz too. He's attached now. I cried a few days ago, nd I called him. He knew there was something wrong with me, but I didn't tell him what. I'd listened t th song "T-shirt". He was th only ex-boyf, who's t-shirt I had. Nd I was practically crying into his shirt, my whole wardrobe sprawled across th floor just because I couldn't find th t-shirt that still had his smell. I refused t wash it, cause it still meant something t me. Four of his t-shirts were sprawled across my bed, nd Fluffy still lies beside me when I fall asleep every night, nd I still cry into it when I'm upset. I can't get rid of memories, I can't erase th past. But if I could turn back time, then maybe I wouldn't want t after all. Maybe, you're meant t be with someone better than me. You deserve that much, cause you really are a great guy.

Okayokay, enough of blabbering about how miserable I am. Saw Abang Dan yesterday morning. Gosh, I miss him. Wonder if he's still th same guy I once loved. Or maybe he's changed. Ohwell, last long ngan Roslyn, Abang. Met Daddy this morning, he brought me t Sembawang Park cause we were still early. Ended up getting bitten by darned mosquitoes, so we left. Sent me t school on his bike, nd my bag broke. -.- I've fixed it back already. (: Daddy sent me till th back gate. Hah, you guys should've seen th face of th teacher who stands at th back gate each morning t scold th late-comers. Cause she saw me being sent t sch on a bike, she didn't scream/rail at me like she usually does, she just said, Hurry up please, th bell's goina ring. Nd when I ran through th back gate, she actually said thank you. Wow. What a change. Let's see if she dares scream/rail at me for th next few days. I don't hate her, but I definitely do hate her. Twinzx will know, considering I was cursing nd swearing at that teacher th time me nd twinzx were both late together. Hah.

Okay, I think that's enough updating for today. This is th longest post man! Record breaker. Hah.
Congratulations t Farah Sayang nd Wandy, as today's their 7th Month, Fareen Baby nd Khairul Ikhsan, cause they're goina be together at 4.30pm tomorrow, to Kak Fee nd Abang Red, who's 6th Month is tomorrow, nd Arini Hunney nd Hairi, who's 2nd Month is th day after tomorrow. Last long jiwerzx-ku, nd stay happy always. (: